Dear Self, I apologize

Today, officially makes 30 days until we embark on the year 2017. Every time we get closer to the new year, my mind begins to do a lot of self-reflection and I must say these past 3 years have been some of the most challenging experiences for me as a young adult. In the midst of growing and finding myself, I have endured mental, physical, and spiritual abuse with my own thoughts. I've noticed that I have picked up the habit of believing that the world and the people in it owes me something because I am talented and educated person. Having this unhealthy state of mind has caused me so much self-pain in my early twenties, which is why I am taking the time to sincerely apologize to myself in this open letter before the year is over.

Dear Self,

First I would like to start this letter off by saying I love you and I'm proud of what you've accomplished at such a young age, because I don't acknowledge it enough. I apologize for not telling you how beautiful you are every morning when you look in the mirror to get dress. I apologize for constantly criticizing your weight, I know you've battle with this since you were young and it's not fair. I apologize for not putting you first and not falling in love with everything that makes you....YOU! I apologize for creating these feelings of self-doubt and failure, because honey your situation does not define who you are. I apologize for not reminding you of how awesome you are. I apologize for the many days/nights I gave up on you and created this "thing" called depression, you are not worthy to experience that anymore. I apologize for not recognizing the queen you are called to be. I apologize for making you cry with overwhelming thoughts and stress. I apologize for not letting you truly live beyond your wildest dreams. Most importantly, I want to apologize to the little Demeshia, also known as DJ who I've also let down, because she only wanted the best for the woman she's grown to be. Little DJ was always this overly ambitious girl with big dreams to be something great in this world and trust me, I will not break that promise. Self, I forgive you and I'm ready to restore our relationship. I promise to make you my soulmate, honor you, take care of your temple, and most importantly love you till death do us part on this earth.

To my lovely,
Demeshia ♥

PS: I instantly feel a sense of relief.