When Life Gets You Down

When I originally started this blog, I simply thought it would be a way to creatively express myself as Demeshia the storyteller. 8 posts later, I didn't realize that this blog was truly intended to motivate myself when I noticed I was letting life get me down. There's nothing like self-motivation because, often times you find yourself alone drowning in your problems because, (A): You're too ashamed to talk about your struggle or (B): You feel like no one cares. This can be a very painful experience, but you must remind yourself that powerful quote from Finding Nemo, "Just Keep Swimming". 

Life is hard as F but, you can swim through the bullshit or just relax, float back to the top, and let the waves of the world guide you. You must also find the main source to your motivation, whether it's a relationship with God or whoever/whatever you consider a higher power, family, money, love, or friendships... it is imperative that you identify that "thing" that keeps you swimming.  If you have a squad that you hang with, or a sisterhood you vibe with, a mentor, or that one bestie you can just call up at any time to vent, be thankful because that's rare. Friendships nowadays barely have a track record of lasting a year and it's unfortunate because those relationships are the fuel to your self-motivation. Knowing that you have a group of women or brothers that radiate that positive energy will soon create a domino effect and bounce on you. Keep in mind that your vibe attracts your tribe, so understand the type energy you are putting out in the universe.

I encourage everyone who is reading this blog right now to become friends with yourself and discover what motivates you before the year is over. Blogging is my healing source aka my life jacket because it is the only thing that is keeping me up float in the midst of my struggle. 

What is your source? Really think about it... whatever is let it be a reminder to:

Expectations

Why oh why... do we as humans create certain expectations for different people and situations in our lives and not enough expectations for ourselves? I've notice so many relationships and/or friendships have ended because of these "expectations", as well as leave you with the feeling of being easily disappointed or defeated. Having this mentality can literally ruin you, and you will never be satisfied. Next thing you know, you start to find yourself slowly turning into the Grinch who stole more than Christmas, but the most important gift of all which is self-happiness. 

Imagine the time we took investing in other people's lives with our opinions or unwanted advice, and instead replace it with becoming one with ourselves by creating our own self expectations; we could actually begin to achieve our own personal goals. There's nothing wrong with setting high expectations for yourself, it only becomes a problem when you start to include people as a beneficial factors to your own happiness or success.  Trust me, I'm only speaking from experience. As much as we all can agree that 2016 was a tragic year for America, I can honestly and truly (in my Joanne the scammer voice) say that this was the year of reflection and growth. All of the hurt, confusion, and rejection I've experienced from people that I considered good friends, guys that I've "talked" to, former co-workers, family, and jobs that I thought had my name on it was triggered by my own expectations. I believe that this is what use make me so vulnerable in the past, I would live life expecting more from others because I would be willing to do that much or even more for them. Crazy right?  No scratch that! It's not crazy, because that's just how I was raised. My mom is a very self-less woman and would always give her all to the people she cared about. I've always admired that trait about her and was blessed to have the same spirit, but didn't understand that sometimes that characteristic comes with alot of pain when accompanied by expectations. 

Expectations typically sound like:  "I can't believe he/she would do that", "I thought you were better than that", "I wish he/she could have" "Ouuuu they so fake because" and, "I don't understand why this would happen to me". It's all meaningless to harvest those thought patterns, because they do more harm than good to any relationship or situation. Like the anonymous quote says, "Expectations are premeditated resentments".  Nothing in this world should have that much control over your emotions.  In order to gain back self-control we must stop expecting from others and work on what we can do to better ourselves. With that being said, I've just added another mental note to self before I embark on the new year, which is to stop expecting.  I encourage you all to do the same, so that you may enjoy a life worth living.

Dear Self, I apologize

Today, officially makes 30 days until we embark on the year 2017. Every time we get closer to the new year, my mind begins to do a lot of self-reflection and I must say these past 3 years have been some of the most challenging experiences for me as a young adult. In the midst of growing and finding myself, I have endured mental, physical, and spiritual abuse with my own thoughts. I've noticed that I have picked up the habit of believing that the world and the people in it owes me something because I am talented and educated person. Having this unhealthy state of mind has caused me so much self-pain in my early twenties, which is why I am taking the time to sincerely apologize to myself in this open letter before the year is over.

Dear Self,

First I would like to start this letter off by saying I love you and I'm proud of what you've accomplished at such a young age, because I don't acknowledge it enough. I apologize for not telling you how beautiful you are every morning when you look in the mirror to get dress. I apologize for constantly criticizing your weight, I know you've battle with this since you were young and it's not fair. I apologize for not putting you first and not falling in love with everything that makes you....YOU! I apologize for creating these feelings of self-doubt and failure, because honey your situation does not define who you are. I apologize for not reminding you of how awesome you are. I apologize for the many days/nights I gave up on you and created this "thing" called depression, you are not worthy to experience that anymore. I apologize for not recognizing the queen you are called to be. I apologize for making you cry with overwhelming thoughts and stress. I apologize for not letting you truly live beyond your wildest dreams. Most importantly, I want to apologize to the little Demeshia, also known as DJ who I've also let down, because she only wanted the best for the woman she's grown to be. Little DJ was always this overly ambitious girl with big dreams to be something great in this world and trust me, I will not break that promise. Self, I forgive you and I'm ready to restore our relationship. I promise to make you my soulmate, honor you, take care of your temple, and most importantly love you till death do us part on this earth.

To my lovely,
Demeshia ♥

PS: I instantly feel a sense of relief.