Be Patient Little Butterfly

If you truly know me, then you know my fascination with butterflies. It all began in 2008, at my Quinceañera inspired Sweet 16 that my mom put together to celebrate my transition into becoming a young woman. The entire theme and decor were butterflies. During the ceremony, I even had a special dance dedicated to me to  the song, “Black Butterfly” sung by Deniece Williams.  I was also gifted with a beautiful diamond butterfly necklace and ring as reminder to never limit myself, but instead always spread my wings and soar high to accomplish the unimaginable.

Little did I know, not only is the butterfly gifted with captivating wings, however there is an important stage that they all experience in life that is commonly overlooked. This phase is called, the caterpillar process, and sometimes it is not so pretty. Being a caterpillar, can often feel like everything around you is going extremely slow and there is nothing you can do to obtain the beautiful vision for your life (aka your wings) fast enough. We then become impatient with ourselves, versus embracing our own personal journey. According to The Academy of Natural Sciences of Drexel University, before the caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it must go through three metamorphosis stages: The Feeding Stage (Caterpillar), The Transition Stage (Pupa), and The Reproductive Stage (Adult). As you can see, becoming a butterfly isn’t easy and each stage has it’s own purpose that’s equally important during this life-changing transformation.

The Feeding Stage is all about staying fed, whether it’s mentally, physically, or spiritually. You want to prepare your temple with an abundance of knowledge, nutrients, and, positivity. As the caterpillar eats, they store their food to be used later as an adult. The unique part about this  transition is that although the caterpillar is small, it can grow up to 100 times its size. Preparation is the key to success during this process, because when life feels stagnant, always remember to keep feeding yourself with all of the beneficial things that will guide you to your beautiful big dreams.

The Transition Stage is where most people feel like they’re stuck and/or experience a combination of both stress and depression because not a lot of action is required in this phase. Practicing patience is so critical during this stage, because it will help aleve most of the self-inflicted pressure and allow you to embrace the journey. There is no specific timeframe or due date to when a person is suppose to accomplish their dreams, some caterpillars are protected in their cocoon for few weeks, a month, or even years. Again, it takes time. “It may look like nothing is going on but big changes are happening inside” (Natural Sciences of Drexel University).

The Reproductive Stage, is certainly the most exciting experience throughout the entire lifecycle of a butterfly. This is the phase where we all receive our uniquely designed wings, which will guide us in the right direction towards our big dreams and aspirations. As we overcome our own personal challenges to become that beautiful butterfly, we also gain maturity and wisdom. Just like a butterfly, our wings are different from each other. Not everyone’s results will look the same, because our purpose is what makes us special in our own way.

9 years later, as type this post, I’ve finally grasped the true meaning of what it takes to become that beautiful butterfly. I have finally received my wings and I am soaring high in life. This year I was blessed with a rewarding opportunity to work for the City of Dallas as Communications Coordinator II in the Urban Planning and Design Department. It’s only been a few days since I’ve started my new career, but I finally feel like I’m walking in my purpose. I have never felt so empowered on a job until now and it almost feels unreal. My salary expectations exceeded what I was willing to negotiate for and the people I work with are amazing. I didn’t see this vision for myself, when I graduated college in 2013 and to be transparent I was slowly becoming discouraged. I’ve been rejected, terminated, led on, and undervalued, but I never gave up. I always knew I was destined for great things, but didn’t understand the process to obtain them. As I share my good news with you through this post, I pray that it inspires you to  embrace all phases in life, especially the ugly caterpillar stage.

When Life Gets You Down

When I originally started this blog, I simply thought it would be a way to creatively express myself as Demeshia the storyteller. 8 posts later, I didn't realize that this blog was truly intended to motivate myself when I noticed I was letting life get me down. There's nothing like self-motivation because, often times you find yourself alone drowning in your problems because, (A): You're too ashamed to talk about your struggle or (B): You feel like no one cares. This can be a very painful experience, but you must remind yourself that powerful quote from Finding Nemo, "Just Keep Swimming". 

Life is hard as F but, you can swim through the bullshit or just relax, float back to the top, and let the waves of the world guide you. You must also find the main source to your motivation, whether it's a relationship with God or whoever/whatever you consider a higher power, family, money, love, or friendships... it is imperative that you identify that "thing" that keeps you swimming.  If you have a squad that you hang with, or a sisterhood you vibe with, a mentor, or that one bestie you can just call up at any time to vent, be thankful because that's rare. Friendships nowadays barely have a track record of lasting a year and it's unfortunate because those relationships are the fuel to your self-motivation. Knowing that you have a group of women or brothers that radiate that positive energy will soon create a domino effect and bounce on you. Keep in mind that your vibe attracts your tribe, so understand the type energy you are putting out in the universe.

I encourage everyone who is reading this blog right now to become friends with yourself and discover what motivates you before the year is over. Blogging is my healing source aka my life jacket because it is the only thing that is keeping me up float in the midst of my struggle. 

What is your source? Really think about it... whatever is let it be a reminder to:

Expectations

Why oh why... do we as humans create certain expectations for different people and situations in our lives and not enough expectations for ourselves? I've notice so many relationships and/or friendships have ended because of these "expectations", as well as leave you with the feeling of being easily disappointed or defeated. Having this mentality can literally ruin you, and you will never be satisfied. Next thing you know, you start to find yourself slowly turning into the Grinch who stole more than Christmas, but the most important gift of all which is self-happiness. 

Imagine the time we took investing in other people's lives with our opinions or unwanted advice, and instead replace it with becoming one with ourselves by creating our own self expectations; we could actually begin to achieve our own personal goals. There's nothing wrong with setting high expectations for yourself, it only becomes a problem when you start to include people as a beneficial factors to your own happiness or success.  Trust me, I'm only speaking from experience. As much as we all can agree that 2016 was a tragic year for America, I can honestly and truly (in my Joanne the scammer voice) say that this was the year of reflection and growth. All of the hurt, confusion, and rejection I've experienced from people that I considered good friends, guys that I've "talked" to, former co-workers, family, and jobs that I thought had my name on it was triggered by my own expectations. I believe that this is what use make me so vulnerable in the past, I would live life expecting more from others because I would be willing to do that much or even more for them. Crazy right?  No scratch that! It's not crazy, because that's just how I was raised. My mom is a very self-less woman and would always give her all to the people she cared about. I've always admired that trait about her and was blessed to have the same spirit, but didn't understand that sometimes that characteristic comes with alot of pain when accompanied by expectations. 

Expectations typically sound like:  "I can't believe he/she would do that", "I thought you were better than that", "I wish he/she could have" "Ouuuu they so fake because" and, "I don't understand why this would happen to me". It's all meaningless to harvest those thought patterns, because they do more harm than good to any relationship or situation. Like the anonymous quote says, "Expectations are premeditated resentments".  Nothing in this world should have that much control over your emotions.  In order to gain back self-control we must stop expecting from others and work on what we can do to better ourselves. With that being said, I've just added another mental note to self before I embark on the new year, which is to stop expecting.  I encourage you all to do the same, so that you may enjoy a life worth living.

Dear Self, I apologize

Today, officially makes 30 days until we embark on the year 2017. Every time we get closer to the new year, my mind begins to do a lot of self-reflection and I must say these past 3 years have been some of the most challenging experiences for me as a young adult. In the midst of growing and finding myself, I have endured mental, physical, and spiritual abuse with my own thoughts. I've noticed that I have picked up the habit of believing that the world and the people in it owes me something because I am talented and educated person. Having this unhealthy state of mind has caused me so much self-pain in my early twenties, which is why I am taking the time to sincerely apologize to myself in this open letter before the year is over.

Dear Self,

First I would like to start this letter off by saying I love you and I'm proud of what you've accomplished at such a young age, because I don't acknowledge it enough. I apologize for not telling you how beautiful you are every morning when you look in the mirror to get dress. I apologize for constantly criticizing your weight, I know you've battle with this since you were young and it's not fair. I apologize for not putting you first and not falling in love with everything that makes you....YOU! I apologize for creating these feelings of self-doubt and failure, because honey your situation does not define who you are. I apologize for not reminding you of how awesome you are. I apologize for the many days/nights I gave up on you and created this "thing" called depression, you are not worthy to experience that anymore. I apologize for not recognizing the queen you are called to be. I apologize for making you cry with overwhelming thoughts and stress. I apologize for not letting you truly live beyond your wildest dreams. Most importantly, I want to apologize to the little Demeshia, also known as DJ who I've also let down, because she only wanted the best for the woman she's grown to be. Little DJ was always this overly ambitious girl with big dreams to be something great in this world and trust me, I will not break that promise. Self, I forgive you and I'm ready to restore our relationship. I promise to make you my soulmate, honor you, take care of your temple, and most importantly love you till death do us part on this earth.

To my lovely,
Demeshia ♥

PS: I instantly feel a sense of relief.

Discovering The BADASS Within Me

Experiencing life in my 20's has definitely been the opposite of what I imagined as a young girl. For some reason, I had this picture perfect idea of all of the things that I should have accomplished by now... and needless to say I'm far behind. Where is my six figure job? Where is my loft in New York? Where is my true love? My fancy car?... and so on. I just knew that if I played the rules of life correctly, like graduate from college and stay out of trouble, my worldly material possessions would be awarded to me. Well my bubble of dreams got popped real fast as soon as I graduated college and turned 22. I literally felt like my goals were crumbling right in front of me. Things were happening beyond my control. Things called "life". I started to feel lonely, worthless, like a failure, and even depressed. I suffered silently in my Post College Graduate Depression (PCGD), because I didn't have the support I needed and I didn't want to look unaccomplished on social media in the midst of my colleagues raving about their offer letters. The little confident Demeshia slowly begin to let the ways of the world pull her beautiful spirit down and define who she was in society until today.

At the age of 25, I am just now understanding how to operate in the real world as a young adult. Instead of fighting the challenges that are thrown my way, I am more open to allowing these life lessons to be apart of my journey with the help of Jen Sincero's book, "You Are A Badass: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life." Sometimes it takes reading a self-care book to reflect on your situation and teach you the tools to get through it. I remember when I first laid eyes on this book, I was working part-time at a boutique in Atlanta that sold clothes, cute stationary items, and gifts such as journals and books. This book wasn't even on display yet, it was in the back of the store in a box with the rest of our inventory. I walked past it a few times, read the title, and picked it up. I randomly flipped through the pages of the book and the first couple sentences caught my eyes and I knew I had to buy it that day. Although, financially I wasn't in a good place to spend money I didn't have, I felt in my spirit that this would be a mental investment to help me feel better about my current situation. If I wanted different results, then I must be the change that I want to see within myself right? I wanted to rediscover the badass inside of me, so that I can start living the awesome life that I have always desired as a little girl.

This week I started reading the first 2 chapters of the book (including the introduction).  My plan is not to rush through it, because I want to enjoy this experience and read it with a clear mind and an open heart. So far, I have learned a lot about myself, the way that I think, and how it affects the decisions I make in life. The language and tone of the book is authentic. I feel like I'm in a therapy session, laying on the couch seeking guidance. Sincero starts off the first chapter with breaking down the difference between our conscious and subconscious thoughts and understanding how to control our mind to release unhealthy thinking patters. In chapter 2, she transitions to the basic idea of Law Attraction while connecting to whoever/whatever you call your higher source of energy to innate power to create the reality you desire. Purchasing this book was one of the greatest decisions I could have done right now, because it took me to get out of my comfort zone to try something different to improve myself as a person. You know what? I think that's called maturity and I'm proud to say that I am ready to tackle this adult life like a badass!

Chasing The American Dream

A month ago,  I had the opportunity to let my voice be heard in an interview with Fusion Network. Fusion is a popular media outlet for pop and news culture that discusses issues within the millennial community. This company personally reached out to me after venting on Navient's Facebook Page about how horrible their customer service is when it comes to repaying back outrageous student loans. I guess my comment really sparked the interest of a producer, because next thing you know I'm on the phone sharing my story about the struggles of being in student loan debt. Fusion Network decided to develop a segment titled, "Chasing The American Dream" where they reached out to various college graduates across the United States to discuss their experience in student loan debt and how it makes it impossible for us to live the so-called American dream. 

To read full article click here: Home Is Where The Debt Is

Being able to express the truth behind student loans was definitely an eyeopening experience. Yes, it is unfortunate... but no I will not let it define my life and my personal dreams to be successful. It just a lesson learned that I will have to overcome with wiser decision making aka "being woke" (just kidding). I really hope that my story, along with others in the video below can help someone avoid the scam of being in student loan debt. Life is so much more than struggling for an education. Believe in yourself and do what you love!

Embrace Rejection

May 20, 2013 is a date that I would never forget. Not only was it my graduation day, but it was my first real word lesson as an adult, which was how to embrace rejection.

Dr. Valerie Jarrett, who currently serves as President Barack Obama's longest serving senior advisors, was my graduation commencement speaker at Clark Atlanta University. Like any other graduate, I was super excited on this day and I looked forward to an inspirational speech that would validate my success in the world we live in. Unfortunately... Dr. Jarrett decided to keep it 100 by giving us all reality check about rejection and to get prepared to experience it as soon as we embark on our journeys as young professionals. As I was sweltering in my all black graduation rob, in my mind I was thinking,"This has got to be the most depressing commencement speech ever!" I didn't want to hear someone tell me about rejection and how to adapt to it because it's the norm. I wanted to hear something about being successful or how the sky is the limit because I graduated with my hard earned degree. But looking back 3 years later, I am truly grateful that Dr. Jarrett shared the truth about how the world operates.

IMAGE CREDIT: REJECTION LETTER FROM BIGSTOCK

Embracing rejection in my personal life has helped me protect my own sanity during the long hours I spent applying for jobs, just to receive a response back stating I'm not qualified. Rejection has taught me to develop thick skin and to not take things personal. It has also put me in the state of humility, so that I may recognize where I need to grow spiritually and mentally. In order to embrace rejection, you must first realize that there is nothing wrong with you as a person. Everyone in their life has experienced it. Just like Dr. Jarrett, her road to success required a lot of rejection, but she never let it defeat her.

We live in a world full of endless opportunities, therefore you must be patient enough to figure out which opportunity was created for you and sometimes it can take years. It took me 3 years after graduating college to finally dive into my career in the film industry, and it is only the beginning! Instead of worrying about why I wasn't good enough for the countless number of jobs I applied to, I started handling rejection like a pro by simply embracing. And I challenge you to do the same! Now watch how life challenges become easier to manage.